Bruxism

 

You can tell I'm a serious man

because I spend more time

grinding my teeth

than smiling or laughing

My jaw hurts

 

and I’m fairly sure that

my teeth are shrinking.

250 lbs. of pressure on the surface

of a tooth, it's called

bruxism(BRUK-siz-um)

 

Another ism but 

without them

 

I spend more time

deciding

than decided, It's a fact.

I attend multiple meetings a week,

sitting,

mostly sitting 

more often than standing

 

Standing

more often than dancing

My back hurts.

 

I find most things annoying

Most often

any person     (including myself)

But

 

especially

the smell of wet cigarette butts 

sitting in a tin can

 

I spend more time breathless from fear than joy.

 

Like googling about blood sugar

while eating chocolate

compulsively,

breathing shallow

arms tingling

pain in chest

 

Each breathe a prayer for more life

More life please

 

More life!

 

"god plz hlp me" scribbled on note pads

then scribbled out

 

damn ego

 

There goes three hundred and sixty-five 

day 1's

now

seven hundred and thirty.

1095

1460

1825

I can't count much higher 

but I'm learning.

 

I'm learning that 

occurrence transcends perception

 

I read about it 

on my phone

Numbers matter.

 

And I'd pay 

easily, 

24 installments of

$36.99

for the ability to trust in god

or in myself

or understand

or even 

love

anything 

like I love

my

rose

gold

iPhone 7.